


She's Got You

by Kaiiidth



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, Episode: s01e28 The City on the Edge of Forever, M/M, One Shot, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 10:41:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17486627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaiiidth/pseuds/Kaiiidth
Summary: Stuck in the 1930's, Spock is alone with his thoughts. He loves his captain, but Jim has found love elsewhere.





	She's Got You

Emotions never came easy. It had been hard to admit to that they came at all, and Spock had never been fond of addressing them. When they graced him with their presence, they were hard to ignore, especially emotions of an intense nature.

Jealousy had been referred to by humans as a little green monster. It wasn’t intended to sound like such an offense, seeing that they’d coined the term centuries prior to making first contact with Vulcans in 2063. Spock had been living the Vulcan way his entire life, and never expected to know such a sensation, something that brought even humans shame as they felt it. That said, Spock was deeply embarrassed of the warmth that flooded his body whenever he’d witnessed his captain walking alongside Edith Keeler. The way they gazed at one another made his stomach churn, a physical reaction the Vulcan never thought himself capable of.

She was a great woman, he thought. Her hospitality towards two strange, misplaced men was illogical, but the Vulcan could not deny that it’d been vital to potentially finding Doctor McCoy as well as to their survival. The lengths Edith had gone through to find them a _flop_ , as she called it, was admirable. Despite this, he could not help thinking she would not have helped Spock if he were alone. It was a nonsensical thought, given Keeler’s life work, but it was evident that she favored Jim.

 _Who would not?_ Spock sighed, adjusting himself in the stiff wooden chair. His nimble fingers were freezing, with the unrelenting cold seeping into the apartment from cracks in the doorway. Only thoughts of his captain could warm him up, and Spock knew only to indulge when Jim was not around. He should’ve known better than to fall in love with James Kirk in the first place.

It was difficult to describe the feelings he had for Jim. Spock never thought he would ever experience what his mother had described to him, when she believed he was paying her mumbling no mind as a child. Amanda Grayson had always been a romantic, which made her matrimony to Sarek all the more ironic. The union had confused Spock for the majority of his childhood, as he saw little to no logic in it. It wasn’t that he misunderstood his father’s intentions; he couldn’t comprehend his mother’s reasoning. Why would an Earth woman like her settle down with an emotionally detached Vulcan? Furthermore, why would she agree to raise children with such a man? Conceptually, it was a recipe for disaster, and Spock wasn’t sure he could claim it hadn’t been. He never blamed Amanda, though, for her efforts as a mother granted Spock his most cherished memories.

Spock’s half human heritage shone through at times like those, where he was alone with his thoughts, his mind wandering to his captain. It’d started off as a mere friendship, something that blossomed from Spock’s initial apprehension regarding the young captain. The Vulcan was not much older than the human, their age gap being a mere three years, but he could not grasp the idea of such a young man taking command of a starship- much the USS Enterprise. However, he did not allow such beliefs to become obstacles, as their teamwork would determine the longevity of not only their mission but of their extensive crew. Jim was brash, charismatic, and a born leader- that much was obvious. However, what he’d come to love was not the exterior of the man. No, it was the side of the captain many had never seen: a man unafraid to express affection, who spoke his mind freely and unabashedly. The human had quite a reputation regarding his love affairs, but Spock knew the truth. He knew Jim was a respectful man, he’d never doubted that. However, he was the kind of person who could not be alone, which contradicted  Jim’s emotions towards commitment. The captain had always claimed he was non-committal, but this was a ruse. Spock knew this more than anybody, he learned this through observation and extended conversations over games of chess.

The rapport between the captain and his first officer only grew from their first year serving together, and Spock’s hesitance had faded significantly. While his commanding officer made a few questionable decisions here and there, it was nothing the Vulcan did not see coming. Humans, after all, were creatures of habit, they could never put their overbearing emotions on hold. Spock would never envy this, but he would be honored to feel anything and everything Jim had to offer. That said, his ears picked up on every movement his captain made and had him straighten his back as the human began to enter their humble abode.

The jingling of Jim’s keys stopped as the man placed them beside Spock, adjacent to the Vulcan’s work space. He fumbled with the wires in his hands, causing the bulbs scattered along the mahogany desk to flicker shyly. The sight of progress made Jim smile, but Spock wasn’t sure if the captain would be willing to depart from the past when the time came. He’d been easier to adjust than Spock, finding joy in odd jobs and bringing home small sums of cash to pay for groceries. Spock had insisted on finding work as well, but Jim said he needed to focus on finding the good doctor. It was logical, and he followed his orders just as he would upon the bridge of the Enterprise. Old habits die hard, something Edith Keeler had astutely noticed. Keeler's words were insignificant to her, but they’d echoed in Spock’s mind ever since they left her lips. He recalled the interaction, feeling dejected as Jim sought her out all over again. The fireplace did not need constant attention, but it was easier to work than to witness Edith have someone he had always considered unattainable.

“Hello, Spock,” Jim mumbled, shrugging off his wool coat and draping it across the chair the Vulcan sat in. Spock watched him as he untied his boots and chucked them onto the floor. The floorboards creaked, the old wood whining as the captain strode in his socks across the ground and over to their shared bed. It’d been agonizing for Spock, to lie in such close proximity to the object of his affections without being able to reach out and hold him. The lean muscles in Jim’s back tempted him like nothing else, but Spock knew better than to touch what wasn’t his. “Any updates?”

Spock placed the wiring down in front of him. “Negative, captain.”

"Right now, it’s Jim.” His voice was soft, laced with exhaustion from a hard day’s work. Spock ducked his head, refusing to meet Jim’s eyes in fear his own would betray the Vulcan control over his emotions.

“Negative, Jim.” The Vulcan repeated, this time mirroring the vulnerability in Jim’s tone.

“What a day,” Kirk laid down, crossing his arms over his eyes and exhaling through his nose. “Edith found a construction firm offering work. You can just imagine the amount of physical labor involved… my arms are killing me.”

Spock found himself amused by Kirk’s colorful metaphors. It’d taken him a while to get used to those; the Vulcan had a tendency to be too literal.

“I believe you require rest, c- Jim.” Spock caught himself, opting to use the name his captain had stated was his preference for the time being. “Will you be returning to the firm tomorrow?”

Jim chuckled, a sound that brought inexplicable calm. “Tomorrow is Saturday, Spock.”

“Ah. The start of an illogical human weekend.”

“It’s not illogical when you’ve been working forty hours a week.”

“On Vulcan,” he began, “there is no such thing.”

Jim sat up, propping himself on his elbows. “The difference lies within leisure. You see, humans need time to themselves. Time to rejuvenate after a week of hard work.”

“I see. Do you have plans for your essential leisure time?” Spock raised an eyebrow. There was a part of him that wished for his captain to say no, to tell him he desired to spend the weekend with Spock. Back aboard the ship, the two spent the majority of their free time together, filling it with intellectual games or conversation.

“Edith invited me to the cinema,” he said. The statement formed a lump in the Vulcan’s throat, which he swallowed around. “She mentioned dinner, too.”

Spock was quiet. There was no point in speaking, not when he couldn’t formulate the right words in his uncharacteristically scrambled brain.

Jim broke the silence. “Of course, if you require my assistance with your tricorder… I would be glad to help.”

“No, Jim. You are deserving of a relaxing weekend.” He knew his typically monotonous voice sounded rather clipped, and Spock hoped Jim would disregard it. Thankfully, the captain laid back down, closing his hazel eyes. Those long eyelashes of his brushed his cheeks, making Spock inhale harder than he’d intended. This simply wouldn’t do, he was becoming emotionally compromised. He realized that being alone with Jim in such a domestic setting was affecting him, causing his thoughts to spiral.

“Thank you, Spock. You do fine work.”

“Thank you.”

The captain fell asleep, his light snoring making the corners of Spock’s lips turn upward in a minuscule smile. He knew he could not continue like this, Jim had the Vulcan so enthralled he found it difficult to focus on anything else. Instead of resuming his work, Spock slid out of the wooden chair, opting to sit beside the human in bed. His weight made the bed dip on his side, but Jim did not stir. His hands were clasped, folded on his chest as it rose and fell with his breath. Spock’s hand hovered above them, over his captain’s fingers and travelling upward towards his face. His fingertips ghosted over Jim’s face, threatening to graze upon his psi points, but he pulled back.

“Goodnight, James.”

**Author's Note:**

> This piece is the direct result of writer's block, but was inspired by the song of the same name by Patsy Cline. The next chapter of Blue Eyed Pop is coming soon, so keep an eye out for that. I was feeling a little down when writing this, and I believe I projected that onto Spock. I hope you all enjoy this one. 
> 
> LLAP.  
> Tumblr: scifixation


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